For weeks (months) Laura has been talking about her new friend Kim Baum. She’s the daughter of the Ralph Pond, the second counselor in our bishopric, and she has been going through the process of a divorce. I’ve been hearing about it through Laura but until 8 days ago I had not even knowingly seen Kim (I assume I’ve passed her in the halls at church a time or two). Today I was actually sitting next to her during Sacrament meeting without realizing who she was. I walked home from church with the kids while Laura drove and when I arrived home I found that Laura had invited Kim over for lunch. It was very interesting to talk to her firsthand rather than hearing everything secondhand. Of course Laura had told Kim in previous conversations that I had grown up in a single parent household as a result of divorce, but it was interesting to hear about her husband (the divorce not yet being final) living with another woman and taking Kim’s twins with this other family and acting as if they were a normal family of six.
As the three of us talked I think it was valuable for Kim to hear my perspective on growing up in that situation firsthand as she is faced with the decisions about how to structure the rights of her soon-to-be ex-husband in a way that best protects her children now and in the future from the many disadvantages of a divorce situation. (Thankfully her boys have just barely turned one year old so that removes some of the explanation and behavioral issues that come with children who are more emotionally attached and aware of the change.) I was very direct about the challenges. She asked how Mom did it and I said that even in the best of circumstances single parenting is nothing like parenting in a working marriage. Laura and I hope and pray that we can continue to be supportive of Kim and that she will find someone who is worthy and able to be an equal partner in raising her two sons.