Give stream-of-consciousness writing a try. This is where you basically just write out whatever comes into your head at the moment it comes into your head. It can feel bizarre, and it’s certainly not structured, but it can lead to some valuable insights into what’s going on in your mind.
I’m sitting on the bed eating popcorn and trying to write in my journal while Laura is listening to tapes she made for her boyfriend, Jason Hoffman, while she was a missionary. I’m wondering what she’s trying to do. There’s a noise to my right in the walls. it sounds like water but I don’t know what we have running in the way of dishwashers out washing machines that might be making the noise. Maybe when it goes off I’ll realize what was causing the noise.
Is interesting to hear how dysfunctional Laura’s district is that she’s talking about in this tape. It’s sad to realize how far from the idealized stories she used to tell about the mission her experiences really were.
There’s a mark on my walls that isn’t visible when you look directly at it but I’m seeing it in the glare from the lamp across the room so it’s really obvious from this vantage point.
I wonder if Laura will ever acknowledge how attached she was to Elder (William) Elder. So much of her discussion on the tapes and in the years since center on him. Maybe that was one of the reasons that Jason didn’t sick around for her after he got home from his mission.
It’s also becoming apparent that Laura isn’t much for following others. I don’t mean that rudely. She is very submissive when she feels it is the right direction but as much as she thinks she follows and sustains her leaders, the fact is that her following is very haphazard anytime she doesn’t feel her own confirmation of the counsel or a real intimate trust in the particular leader—trust that isn’t given based on any position. The legitimacy of any leadership is purely a function of her personal experience with the leader.
P.S. I finally found the source of the running water – it was the toilet tank.
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