There seemed to be three phases to our time spent from the time Dad was taken to hospice and the time we left. The first phase, which I described yesterday, people were focused on Dad and making sure to get some final moments with him seeing as we didn’t know how many moments would be available. Interestingly someone called Becky shortly after this began. As she fumbled to turn off the ringer i took her phone and turned it off so that there would be no interruptions – especially for her. Somebody noticed that Dad’s face was scruffy from the ten days in a hospital bed. A razor was supplied and Carl shaved Dad’s cheeks for the final time. It was an opportunity for him to show the tenderness that he could finally feel after years of emotional distance.
The second phase we all started telling stories about Dad. Obviously Ashleigh, Elise, and Craig had the most to offer but we all joined in. In the process we began to get to know each other better across what had always been two separate families. As time ticked past we were less and less focused exclusively on Dad. We knew we had all accepted the final outcome and began to make connections for this family that everybody clearly wanted to bring together.
The third phase started after about two hours when Matt, Elise’s husband, noted that Dad wasn’t breathing. At that point we all rushed to his bedside to confirm for ourselves that he was gone. I noted the time as 12:22. Within moments we saw that he was breathing shallowly and clearly not for long. Becky embraced him and we surrounded the two of them protectively while watching his final passing. At 12:24 he stopped breathing for the last time. We began trading hugs with everyone present, called the nurse in to verify his death, and began notifying people of his passing who hadn’t been present. When the nurse checked for a heartbeat she noted that the heart was still beating with a faint clicking. I think that made it even harder for Becky to think Dad wasn’t quite gone yet. I spoke up to suggest that the clicking might be from Dad’s pacemaker rather than his heart. The nurse acknowledged that the pacemaker was the source of the false heartbeat in her stethoscope and I saw Becky visibly relax. Over the next hour people talked in various groups and walked in and out of the room for final touches.
To be continued again …
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