Monday afternoon
Once dad had passed away and people had finished filtering in and out of the room our attention was turned more fully and directly toward erasing the breach between the families. Bill suggested that we start by going to lunch as a family. He found a place and we all went and spent a good hour and a half talking and eating. We were learning where people worked and lived as well as what things various people had in common. I found myself forging a bond with someone I would have expected to be somewhat outside my family, namely Becky’s sister Brenda. After dad’s death we had embraced and she put words to the connection that we both felt – she said she felt like she had found a brother. I find that telling for two reasons: first, that I am a generation removed from her sister; second, because she grew up with only sisters. Truly she felt like a kindred spirit to me. She brought a peace to the situation as she worked to comfort people and draw them together. It was amazing upon first meeting her to feel completely accepted though we had no connection before (I didn’t even know of her existence although I imagine she’d heard about us boys).
After lunch we all went to Becky’s house to mingle. We looked at reminders of Dad and pictures of Becky’s family. We talked about funeral arrangements although that was mainly handled by Becky and Elise. Bill, call, and I simply offered to do whatever would be helpful. Becky tried to set the funeral for Saturday but settled for Friday. Once the date was set and there was no immediate help we could offer the three of us decided that our best course was to hurt home on Monday so that we could get our families ready to come back on Thursday (or Friday morning in Carl’s case). Laura and I discussed having me stay and just meeting her when she drive down with Mom but we decided against that. Call, Bill, and I drove to keens house, packed up (Ken was driving back from Utah with his family that day) and drive from 7:00 pm until 5:00 am to get home (45 hours after we left).
The Funeral
After going in to work Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday Laura, Savannah, Alyssa, Mariah, Isaac, and I drove down all day Thursday to be in Albuquerque early enough to not rush for any of the funeral activities. Our plan was to stay at least until Saturday with the option of staying until Sunday.
Friday morning we went to the family viewing where my family could meet my other siblings and their families. Bill and his family drive halfway Thursday and meet us at the stake center. Carl and his family drive down Friday morning and meet us there too. After the family viewing we had some flexibility to fill the minivan we rented with gas so that we would be able to drive to the cemetery. All of the boys were pallbearers. It was good to stand with Craig and Matt in that role. We got a final goodbye before the casket was closed then we held the funeral. I learned things about Dad that I had never known such as the fact that he was being able by professional baseball scouts until he broke his leg in five places in a motorcycle accident as a high school senior.
At the graveside service Craig dedicated the grave. Afterwords we all stood around and connected with more extended family than we had previously including some of Dad’s siblings and some of his nieces and nephews who had come. We took lots of pictures which I am still collecting from people. When that was over the entire extended family went to another chapel for a family dinner where the cousins and a few second cousins played together while we continued to connect with our siblings and cousins. Once again we all went to Becky’s house to continue connecting when the dinner was over. We stayed until 10:00 pm and really built some good connections with my siblings and cousins.
The way Matt’s schedule and Meghan’s schedule worked out we decided to have family get together for dinner on Saturday afternoon at Ken’s house, once those two in-laws caught their flight out of Albuquerque (Elise and Craig were each staying a few more days). The way it actually played out we not only got Becky, Elise, and Craig but also Becky’s sisters, Becky’s mom, and a few of our cousins as well as short visit with may abs Meehan before their flight. Overall it was a great trip where all the kids in both families were committed to not letting our relationships she after the funeral. I’ve been in contact with both Elise and Meghan since the funeral to talk about setting back into life and share ideas for getting together as siblings again soon. We drove back to Utah on Sunday having been spiritually and emoticons refreshed as well as physically drained.
Leave a Reply