Breakthrough

I feel confident that divorce is completely off the table with Laura. I said on the 13th that it seemed to be going that direction but now 12 days later the conversation that Laura and I had as she drove me home from the train station put my recent uncertainty to rest. Laura had been struggling within herself precisely because she is confident that my changes are genuine and will last. She’s struggling with her own weaknesses and the momentum of her defensive behavior from the last several years. She has needed to set proper boundaries and enforce them vigorously but she is feeling that more tenderness and joyfulness are the new order of the day and she has to learn how to be that version of herself. I’ve worried that her avoidance of snuggles had something behind it that I was missing. I was right but it wasn’t about me – it was based in her internal struggles.

It was so peaceful talking these things out with her on the way home. I think we both felt very close as I got the answers I needed (I’d been thinking about trying to ask her what was up) and she gained clarity for herself as she talked it out. She told me that she has felt supported and not pressured as she has been processing all that for days. I’m glad to hear it because I have been balancing wanting snuggles but trying to play it cool so that she won’t feel pushed. Apparently I’ve succeeded in that and she appreciates it.