Husband and wife walk side by side as equal partners, not as president and vice president with one walking half a step ahead on some or all things.
This becomes extra hard when one stops walking and refuses to work in tandem.
Laura and I should study this talk together.
The restored gospel of Jesus Christ proclaims the principle of full partnership between woman and man, both in mortal life and in the eternities. Although each possesses specific attributes and divinely appointed responsibilities, woman and man fill equally relevant and essential roles in God’s plan of happiness for His children. This was evident from the very beginning when the Lord declared “that it was not good that the man should be alone; wherefore [He would] make an help meet for him.”
In the Lord’s plan, a “help meet” was a companion who would walk shoulder to shoulder with Adam in full partnership. In fact, Eve was a heavenly blessing in Adam’s life. Through her divine nature and spiritual attributes, she inspired Adam to work in partnership with her to achieve God’s plan of happiness for all mankind.
This really struck me recently in the temple as I realized that Adam rejected the early offer to partake of the fruit because of his rigid desire to be obedient (not a bad thing) whereas Eve was persuaded to partake because she listened to her curiosity to know and understand more (also a good impulse). Without that curiosity our progression would be limited but it is impossible to be perfectly obedient at all times while indulging appropriate curiosity. There are many things we cannot learn without mistakes.
When spouses understand and incorporate this principle, they do not position themselves as president or vice president of their family. There is no superiority or inferiority in the marriage relationship, and neither walks ahead of or behind the other. They walk side by side, as equals, the divine offspring of God. They become one in thought, desire, and purpose with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, leading and guiding the family unit together.
Not simply one with each other but reach becoming one with God.
The second relevant principle is the Golden Rule, taught by the Savior in the Sermon on the Mount: “And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.” This principle indicates an attitude of mutuality, reciprocity, unity, and interdependence and is based on the second great commandment: “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” It merges with other Christian attributes such as long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and kindness.
To better understand the application of this principle, we can look at the sacred and eternal bond established by God between our first parents, Adam and Eve. They became one flesh, creating a dimension of unity that allowed them to walk together with respect, gratitude, and love, forgetting about themselves and seeking each other’s well-being on their journey to eternity.
Nurturing and presiding are interrelated and overlapping responsibilities, which means that mothers and fathers “are obligated to help one another as equal partners” and share a balanced leadership in their home.
“To nurture means to nourish, teach, and support” family members, which is done by helping them to “learn gospel truths and develop faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ” in an environment of love. To preside means to “help lead family members back to dwell in God’s presence. This is done by serving and teaching with gentleness, meekness, and pure love.” It also includes “leading family members in regular prayer, gospel study, and other aspects of worship. Parents work in unity,” following the example of Jesus Christ, “to fulfill these [two great] responsibilities.”
It is important to observe that the government in the family follows the patriarchal pattern, differing in some respects from priesthood leadership in the Church. The patriarchal pattern entails that wives and husbands are accountable directly to God for the fulfillment of their sacred responsibilities in the family. It calls for a full partnership—a willing compliance with every principle of righteousness and accountability—and provides opportunities for development within an environment of love and mutual helpfulness. These special responsibilities do not imply hierarchy and absolutely exclude any kind of abuse or improper use of authority.
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My dear brothers and sisters, nurturing and presiding are opportunities, not exclusive limitations. One person may have a responsibility for something but may not be the only person doing it. When loving parents well understand these two major responsibilities, they will strive together to protect and care for the physical and emotional well-being of their children. They also help them face the spiritual dangers of our day by nurturing them with the good word of the Lord as revealed to His prophets.
…Sometimes one spouse or the other will have the responsibility of acting in both roles simultaneously, whether temporarily or permanently.
Learning the difference between priesthood leadership in the Church and the patriarchal pattern of a marriage is a critical lesson in becoming like God.
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