The process of mortality

An outline of what I recognized—

• The pattern of the plan:
  • Eve’s decision
    • Made with only partial knowledge
  • Adam’s response
    • Made with more information available
• Extrapolated from the pattern:
  • The choice carried actual risk
  • This was not a one-time event
  • This pattern applies to more than choices by spouses
• The pattern applied:
  • We have made choices
  • We will make other choices
  • Choices will carry risks

When Eve made the choice to eat the fruit she only had partial knowledge to inform her choice but by the time she invited Adam to join her she had more knowledge of what she was asking. One of the things she knew by the time she approached Adam was that she did not have the option to undo her choice—it was not a choice she was contemplating, but a choice she had made and acted upon which could not be undone. Whether or not she realized it in advance, the choice Eve made carried the possibility that Adam would not join her in her decision.

When Eve presented the fruit to Adam he was no longer making the exact same choice she had made. Her choice might have been wrong (she couldn’t be utterly certain in advance) and right or wrong it carried the risk of permanently separating her from Adam (whether or not she was cognizant of that risk at the time). On the other hand, Adam knew that whether or not Eve was on the right path he would be with her if he accepted her offer and separate from her if he rejected it. That calculation was entirely different from hers. (Not better, just the difference between the first mover and everyone else.)

Throughout their lives Adam and Eve each made choices at times that could have resulted in a schism between them. I’m sure that much more often they made decisions together and those decisions were no less important in their development and the development of their family, but there will be times for everyone where they make a decision before they have consensus.

In our family I recognize that we have made choices over the last couple of decades that have led us to our current position. Sometimes we made the choice together and other times one or the other of us has led out. Not only that but we have 8 (now 7) other people also making choices that affect where we are in our household. I also recognize that there are choices to be made now in an effort to get to where we want to be in the future and we won’t always know in advance whether any given choice is the proper choice at the time.

What I do know currently is that I need to make some choices that will change things up because I can’t accept the outcome of our current trajectory/velocity and despite my best efforts and the most information I will be able to gather in advance the choices will not come without the risk of adverse outcomes.

At present in our home the choices made by the children will, based on volume alone, have more effect on the culture here than anything I choose but in the long run I will ultimately be able to produce the kind of environment in my home that I want no matter what they choose (because they will eventually be gone and I will have time to eradicate (or nearly eradicate) any results of their choices that were out of alignment with my values. (To be fair, in their own households they will each be able to eradicate or nearly eradicate the results of anything I choose that is out of alignment with their values.)