I wrote on April 26th that Dad was dying. I said that we expected his death within hours (or days at the most) of him being moved to the hospice care ward. I never wrote the rest of the story. Here it is:
On April 27th we returned to the hospital and the nurse explained how hospice care worked – that they would provide care to make Dad comfortable, to manage pain etc. but that they weren’t attempting to treat his physical ailments any longer. In the hospice ward they would remove the breathing apparatus and let nature take is course. Visitors are allowed at any time of day or night and could include people of any age and even animals – whatever brought comfort to the patients or those who were there to visit them. After those instructions we – everyone from the night before plus Ashleigh and Craig’s wife, Meghan – went to the waiting room on the hospice floor while they moved Dad from the ICU to hospice. In the waiting room we saw Becky’s five grandkids – Ashleigh’s three and one each for Elise and Craig. We also met Ashleigh’s boyfriend and a few friends of the family.
We were there in the room while the tubes were removed and then the grandkids came in to say goodbye. Only the oldest, Ashleigh’s daughter, seemed to really understand the significance of what was happening and she took it hard. She was very close to her grandpa because she had spent months living with Dad and Becky at a time when Ashleigh want fit to be a parent. We took time to gather around Dad as a group and feel the solidarity of being his family. Where else and Craig had spouses to share the experience with Ashleigh was alone (her boyfriend stayed out with the kids) and it was obvious that she needed an older brother. I’d certainly not filled that role for her before but I made a point to be there for her. I stood by her side whence she seemed to need someone and gave hugs liberally. It was interesting to see clearly that my experience, Bill’s experience, and Carl’s experience were vastly different from what Ashleigh, Elise, and Craig were going through. Carl had finally gained a Dad and was now letting him go while joining his family. Bill had let Dad go the night before. I had let go as much as needed so I focused on supporting my three new siblings as well as Becky and her family.
It amazed me how much familiarity and how little awkwardness there was in the whole situation.
To be continued …
Leave a Reply