Laura woke up early this morning with energy and clarity of thought. She talked to me and I felt it necessary to make a record of what she said in case her memory got closed later.
Laura dreamed last night and finally saw clearly how things have been for so many years for everyone in the family and how natural it is that none of the kids, not even Savannah, would have a solid memory of the good times they had with her before everything went sideways. She finally caught a glimpse of the toll that has taken on each of us. She actually woke up with a clear mind by 6AM. She sees how different it is that she has been remembering to take care of Alyssa as Alyssa has been sick this week. She’s remembering that she used to enjoy waking up in the morning.
From her talking it sounds like she is seeing this clearly without falling into a pit of guilt. (“Why was I do stupid?”)
I thought it was also important that she remembered various stories of moms who locked themselves away temporarily (she mentioned Steve Von Neiderhauser, Carter Cheney, and me as each having mothers who did that) and I think she is seeing that while it isn’t “okay” it doesn’t negate the good those mothers do the rest of the time either.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt as hopeful for her progress as I do this morning.
All day today she was active with the kids, handling hard things like helping Enoch when he was in pain and taking Mariah to the doctor and learning that she had a hernia that will require surgery. These are things she would have cracked under at other times. Today she felt good about her ability to be the Mom in hard things.
After our talk this morning I wished Laura a happy rebirth day (nice timing since tomorrow is her birthday).
I also managed to take the trailer down to Bill’s new house and let the younger kids see it. That helped our evening for a while but also made for a late evening.
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