Today we faced what had long seemed inevitable. Laura and I have talked many times about the is of having at least one child identify as gay. For quite some time in observing Alyssa I suspected that she might identify as LGBTQ in some way. Laura took her phone for not doing her work and then noticed a rainbow inside the phone case. She showed me and said “is our daughter gay?” Shortly after that she asked Alyssa about the rainbow and Alyssa said that she was gay. (I can’t recall the exact term – “gender fluid” as I recall and somewhat asexual.)
We had a succession of conversations after that where she answered questions (mostly from Laura) and we assured her that we recognized it as both a big deal (meaning something important to her) and not a big deal (meaning it had no adverse effects on our feelings for her). Interestingly she told us that she believes in God and believed that the Book of Mormon is true although she had some obvious issues with the stances of the church relative to LGBTQ members and gay marriage. The light in her face and the way she talked so animatedly as this burden she had been carrying was lifted were a joy to behold. I hope and suspect that with the removal of that emotional barrier she will be happier and perform better – maybe not miss school so often or barricade herself in her room so often.
Later in the evening Alyssa came with Mariah as Mariah declared herself both bisexual and somewhat asexual and uncertain of her preferred pronouns. We can be accepting of Mariah as well but frankly her declaration came off flat – like it was more the current understanding of a young person who hasn’t really explored her sexuality and gender identity but who just thinks that how she feels so far doesn’t fit what she would expect for a straight cisgender female.
Personally, I suspect that by not making a big deal out of it Mariah will likely come to decide at some point that she is actually a straight cisgender female (although perhaps not much interested in sex per se). As for Alyssa, who knows what she’ll settle into in the long run – I just hope she settles into being a happy version of herself.
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